I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
