i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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