Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
