God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
