God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
