well you can't waste a boner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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