you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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