Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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