Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
