i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
