Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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