SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
