I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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