"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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