Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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