two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
