Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
