you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
