Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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