Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
