i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
