You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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