I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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