It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
