omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
