she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
