Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
