i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
