Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
whose parrot is this?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
