she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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