my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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