and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
