Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
