but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
