I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
