My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
