this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's get the cat blown out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
