i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
