She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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