Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a hot homeless man
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
