I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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