Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
