If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
