Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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