I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
