My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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