I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
