maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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