You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
