Screwed.edu
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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