Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
