u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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