Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
