We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
