You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
