I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
