last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
