and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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