do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
