I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
