So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
